Barbeque of Doom
by Mortal Anonymous
Summary: Dib is sent to buy groceries for his dad. A simple task, but then he runs into Zim...and since when is anything simple with Zim?


Dib was on his way home from the grocery store, an errand he'd run for his dad, the infamous Professor Membrane. His dad had time off from work, an extremely rare occasion, and had organized a family barbeque. Dib had been sent to buy food.

Dib was on his way back to his house when he found Zim, the neighborhood alien who wished to destroy Earth and enslave all humans, out for a walk it seemed, with his green robot dog, GIR. GIR had a chocolate cupcake with him, and he was cradling it in his 'paws'. Zim noticed Dib coming. He looked quickly around himself. The street was empty. He let the four spider leg-like things he walked around on to be intimidating extract themselves from his backpack. As Dib got closer, Zim towered over him.

"Dib-worm!"he shouted ,though Dib was right in front of him, "What are you doing here?! Out following me? Tell Ziiimm!" He squinched one of his eyes and grasped the air in clawed fingers.

"Relax, Zim!" Dib said forcefully, "I'm just bringing groceries home for my Dad..I'm not here to destroy you..today.." he added thoughtfully.

"LIES!!" Zim shouted, and pointed a finger at Dib insanely. "You lie, Dib-worm! You must be doing SOMETHING worth my dealing with!" He lowered himself on his spiderbot legs, and glared into Dib's eyes. He sniggered evilly.

"And deal I shall.."

Dib looked back with annoyance and scoffed.

"Whatever Zim. Just get outta my way.." He walked past Zim and continued on his way.

Zim looked suspiciously after him.

"The Dib seems to be acting rather peculiar today..come GIR! Let us persue him and we will learn his plans..!" He chased after Dib on his spiderbot legs in what he thought was a sneaky manner, but was actually quite loud and obvious. After about a block, Dib began to get really irritated. He halted and rounded on the the Irken.

"Zim!" he yelled, "Quit followin' me! I already told you, I'm not planning to destroy you! Don't make me have to try!" He tried to start walking again, but Zim dropped suddenly in front of him, cutting him off.

"How DARE you try and threaten the mighty Irken, Zim! You miserable Earth Worm! You will feel my wrath!!"

Dib looked inquisitively at Zim. Zim backed himself up and pointed at Dib. He looked at GIR and ordered, "GIR! Offensive Mode! Noooww!"

Dib turned to face the robot, curious. GIR looked at Dib with a sloppy grin and wide eyes.

"I like da cupcake!" he said happily, and shoved it close to Dib's face. "See?! See?! Looka da cupcake!"

Dib swiped cupcake from GIR and shot him an annoyed glare. GIR's eyes immediately brimmed with tears.

"Nooo..da cupcake.."

Suddenly GIR tossed of the green dog suit he wore. His eyes were glowing red.

"I WANT DA CUPCAKE!!" he screamed, and lunged for Dib. Dib side-stepped the attack and held the cupcake out to GIR.

"Ok, you can have it, as long as you're nice to me!"

GIR's eyes immediately switched back to their original blue. He grabbed the cupcake from Dib's hand and cuddled it.

"You's mine, cupcake!" he grinned to the pastry in his arms.

Zim looked about to explode. He shook with anger and growled in annoyance, gripping his forehead and clenching his fist. That STOOPID idiot robot! Ignoring orders for a STOOPID cupcake!

Dib leaned closer to GIR.

"Pst! Hey, can you get rid of Zim for me?.." he whispered. "I have another cupcake.."

GIR squinted his eyes in amusement.

"Noo! Silly Dib! I can't hurt the Master..!"he laughed. Then he held the cupcake protectively and yelled, "An' I want DIS cupcake!" He glared at Dib. Then he looked back at his cupcake and crooned, "I love you, Cuppy.."

Dib reached into his grocery bag.

"But this one's better..see?" He held up another chocolate cupcake for GIR to see.

"I DON' WANT DAT CUPCAKE!!" he screamed, and wielded the one he was holding at Dib.

Dib backed up a little.

"Ok, your loss.." Dib shrugged, and ate the cupcake.

GIR stared at Dib. Then out of nowhere, he shrieked in terror and screamed, "MR. CAKEY!! YOU ATE HIM!!"

"Well, you didn't want it..so I took it." Dib said simply.

GIR looked sad.

"No! No! I don' like you!"

He shielded the cupcake in his arms again.

"Don't worry, Cuppy..I'll protect you!" he said. He squinted happily, then tossed the cupcake into his mouth.

"There! Now you're all safe in ma belly!"he beamed, and rubbed his belly, contented. He looked at Dib again.

"I eat Cuppy!" he beamed, and Dib stared at the little robot uncertainly.

Zim, meanwhile, was getting fed up with GIR's actions. If he didn't do something useful soon..

"I like cherries!" GIR shouted, and stuck his tongue out.

He began dancing on the sidewalk.

"Oo! Oo! Lookit me! I'm a dancin' mongoose squirrely moose!"

He started jigging.

"Yeah! I'm jiggy!"

Dib edged around the dancing robot slowly. He tried to move past Zim again. Zim thunked a robot leg in his path.

"GIR obviously can't handle the simple task of destroying you, so _I_ will have to."

Laser guns extracted themselves from his backpack and pointed themselves at Dib. Dib looked fearfully at them, and dodged wordlessly around Zim's robot legs. He ran down the block as fast as he could go. Zim chased him, laughing with evil glee.

"That's right, puny human! Run! Run in fear from the almighty ZIM!" he cackled, and fired his lasers after Dib.

Dib zigged and zagged, dodging the lasers. Quite a few of them were close, and some of them were TOO close!

"Oooo! Hold still, you!" Zim shouted, speeding up, "You shall feel the wrath of Ziiim!"

"Never!" Dib shouted back, still jumping away from the lasers.

Zim chased Dib all around the block, and into the park. His lasers left holes in the pavement and broke branches off trees. Park-goers stared dumbly at the chase scene. Dib panted and ran, and when he glanced back, he saw Zim had gained ground! He veered off the path, and entered the trees.

"You'll never take ME, Zim!" he called back.

"Just you wait, foul Earth maggot! I am always successful!" Zim retorted.

Dib weaved between as many trees as he could on his way through the park. The branches that Zim didn't zap hit him in the face and slowed him down some. But he still stayed close behind Dib, cursing the branches and humans as he went. They were approaching the park exit. Dib ran through the gate and turned quickly towards home. He took off down the road, gasping, and dug into his grocery bag. He reached past the stash of horridly greasy junk foods and grabbed a string of hot dogs. He came to a stop and turned to face Zim.

"Aha..! I have you now, Dib-worm! Prepare to be fried!" Zim gloated, and aimed his lasers.

"No, YOU prepare!" Dib cried, and hurled the hot dog links at the alien.

"Huu?" Zim stopped and stared at the flying meat products with a stunned look. Meat! Before he could do anything, the links wrapped their way around Zim's head and arms, covering his eyes and touching much of his skin. Zim screamed in pain, swaying and staggering on the sidewalk.

"AAAA!! IT BURNS IT BURRRRNNS!!" he cried, yanking at the hot dogs, but they stayed wrapped around him. "CURSE YOU, DIB-WORRRMM!!" he added as he collapsed onto the pavement.

Dib looked interestedly at Zim writhing on the pavement for a moment, then turned and started for home again.

When Dib reached the house, his dad was on the lawn with Gaz, Dib's little sister, trying to start a grill with some matches. Since there were no technical switches or wires, he was having a tough time of it. He looked up when he heard Dib coming.

"Ah, son! I see you've brought the food! Put it out, please..!" Proffesor Membrane exclaimed, snapping a finger in the direction of the picnic blanket.

Dib walked over to the blanket, where Gaz was sitting, and laid out the food. Gaz looked disapprovingly at the selections.

"Hey Dib, where's the hot dogs?!" she demanded. "If you forgot the hot dogs, I'm gonna beat your head till it looks like an overripe eggplant!" she threatened, and clenched her fist in his direction.

"No, Gaz ,wait..Zim! I had to use the hot dogs to stop him cuz he started chasing me and he wouldn't let me go home, so I threw them at him, cuz he gets burned by meat, you know, and.."he tried explaining.

Gaz was glowering with rage. Professor Membrane heard Dib.

"Now son, how many times do I have to tell you that aliens don't exist?! You know there's no such thing as paranormal activity..all things must be able to be explained by science!" he said, jabbing a finger into the air.

"No, Dad, really, if you'd just been there 10 minutes ago..!" he started, but Gaz grabbed him suddenly by the collar of his coat.

"Shut UP about STOOPID Zim, and how he's an ALIEN!" she yelled, shaking him, "And stop trying to use him as an excuse to cover the fact that YOU forgot the hot dogs!"

"Gaz! Wait! I mean it! Zim really was..aah!" Dib called out, as Gaz jumped on him and began scuffling, trying to beat him to a pulp.

Professor Membrane sighed and turned away, gripping his forehead.

"My poor, insane son.." he lamented, slowly shaking his head.


End file.
